A Few Tips You Can Use To Save Your Relationship

A Few Tips You Can Use To Save Your Relationship


In this article, I'm going to provide you with some
ideas that you should consider when trying to save
your relationship.

These tips can save your relationship as long as you
keep in mind all the various factors I'm about to
mention.

It is not uncommon for individuals in a relationship
to experience negative feelings and emotions. However,
it is how these feelings are dealt with that will
determine the success or failure of a relationship
in the end.

The first thing that you need to do, is consider whether
or not this relationship is worth saving...

...You need to weigh out the pros and cons.

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The truth of the matter is that while almost every
relationship can be saved with some effort, both
individuals MUST agree that they WANT to make it
work.

This is common sense.

If your partner ended things off  and does not want to
opt back in, then I'm afraid there's little that can be
done.

There are many people who remain in a relationship
because they feel morally obligated.

Some are in it for the convenience.

Many people remain in marriages for the sake of the
children.

Unfortunately though, that is not always enough.

To truly save a relationship, both parties need to be
committed to the idea that the relationship is worth
being saved. Both parties.

Once you've decided that your relationship is worth
saving, and both parties are on board with the notion,
you will need to pinpoint the problem, or various
problems, that exist within the relationship. One of the
biggest misconceptions that people in troubled
relationships have, is that they assume that the symptoms
of the problem are the problem itself.

To give you an example, many people wrongly assume that an
affair was the problem that caused their break up. The truth
of the matter is that the affair was actually a symptom of
an even deeper problem within the relationship.

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Lack of intimacy or talking down to one's partner can cause
them to feel neglected or unwanted and this could lead them
to stray. So, where most people would look at this situation
and blame the affair for the break up, the underlying cause
of the affair was the negative verbal communication and lack
of intimacy in the primary relationship.

If these contributing factors are not dealt with in the
correct manner, various other problems could begin to
manifest themselves.

For instance, if you do not deal with the way in which you
speak to your partner, or if you do not deal with the lack of
intimacy, you may be able to keep another affair from happening
by using guilt as a means of behavioural control.

However, this kind of behaviour provides fertile ground for
other problems (for instance pornography or cybersex) to
sprout because the underlying causes for the affair were not
dealt with.

If you focus on, and deal with, the core issues rather than
trying to treat the symptoms, then you can save your
relationship.

Once you have determined what the core problems are, the two
of you can begin to share your thoughts and feelings with one
another. Make sure to verbalise how you feel without getting
angry and to make an effort to listen to your partners concerns.

But remember, you need to stay calm and talk softly.

I would recommend holding your partners hand or placing your
hand on his or her leg while talking, as this physical contact
signals that you want to be near to that person and that you
want to reconnect to that person even if your emotions are all
over the place.

Remember to take long, slow breaths if you feel that you are
starting to get worked up. Staying calm is crucial at this
point as it will allow the two of you a chance to talk about
all the things that are bothering the both of you.

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It is also way easier to reach a compromise when you
are calm.

Think - "CALMpromise!!"

When your partner talks about things that hurt and upset you,
remember that he or she is not doing it because this is fun.
They do not want to hurt you. It's not nice seeing someone you
love hurting so much. Even more so when you know that you
are the one hurting them!

They are doing it because they want to improve the relationship.
The communication rivers need to flow and you have to allow them
too. It's the only way that the underlying issues can be dealt
with properly. Communication.

Once all the problems in your relationship have been detailed,
the two of you need to come up with an action plan to solve them.

Then take concrete action steps towards your action plan.

If the problem was that you were not spending enough time together,
then plan a date night every week where you go to the movies or go
out bowling. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend time
together once or twice a week. It doesn't have to be complicated or
require much effort, find what works for the both of you.

Compromise. (CALMpromise)

If lack of communication was the problem, and it often times is,
then make an effort to spend 20 minutes with each other(tv off)
in the evening or before going to bed. Again, think simple and
small and take it from there.

In conclusion, you need to realise and accept that saving a
relationship is an ongoing process. There is no quick fix. People are
complex in nature. You are going to go three steps forward only to
take two back. There will be tears and laughter going forward. Some
days will be easier than others.

But, if you both want it to work and you both put in the effort,
you will succeed in repairing  and even strengthening your
relationship.

So there you go. There are a few tips you can use to 
save your relationship, but only if it's worth being saved.

Remember, be quick to apologize and slow to blame.